Cinnamon Sunrise

Choices can be overwhelming. Many of us, faced with the truly infinite amount of possibilities around us, allow ourselves to follow the easiest path. Usually this path is the one encouraged by family and society - we might go to University to study a subject in order to get a high-paid job. We might go into the family business. We might allow ourselves to become part of an arranged marriage. We might end up getting a random office job and working 9-5, simply because we don’t know what else to do and there’s bills to pay.

Choice is overwhelming because we are scared of making the wrong decision. What if we really want to go to college to study theatre - only to find we later hate it? We will have wasted time and resources. We also may know what we want to do, but not know how to make it happen - for example, we may want to get a career in the Theatre, but not know how to do that and continue to pay bills.

Assess, research and then choose

Assessing every choice you make means you ask yourself the hard questions. You say; can I do this? Will I be happy doing this? Will this benefit me in accordance to what I will expend on it?

For example: you get caught up in a whirlwind romance. You’re in love, and then your partner pops the question out of nowhere. Excited, you say yes. Later, in the cold light of day, you wonder if that was right. But you convince yourself it must have been right, and throw yourself into the wedding preparations. The marriage costs thousands of dollars, but one year later you have divorced.

This is a situation that is surprisingly common, as people simply can’t face telling people they are getting married and then breaking it off. Facing your future spouse is hard, explaining things to parents or friends who have gotten ready for the wedding is hard too. So you decide any doubts are ‘pre-wedding jitters’.

Whenever a big question comes up, like whether to get married, or what subject you study at college, you need to ask yourself can you do it? Can you commit to this person? Do you know everything about them you need to know? Will you be happy with them - not just going for dates, but buying groceries together, waking up to go to work next to them, making financial decisions together?

Will all that time, emotion and money you expend on them be paid back? Will they help you grow as a person, will they support you through difficult periods? Or will they hold you back from fulfilling yourself, do they expect things you don’t want to fulfill, are they going to abandon you at the first sign of trouble?

Those are the questions. If you can’t answer them, you need to research. In terms of college, this may mean taking a couple of optional courses or reading some books on it. In terms of marriage, this might be asking to live together for a year before agreeing a date to see if you are compatible.

And then, finally, you make your choice. This means that you knowingly commit yourself to something, rather than drift into it because that is the way the wind blows.

Make a Plan

Once you’ve made your choice, you need to immediately set yourself to make it a success. If you are going to college, you need to ensure you get the maximum amount of knowledge and experience from the time you are there. That means preparing yourself mentally, deciding how you are going to study and when, ensuring all administration tasks are completed on time, possibly taking some time to save up some money and doing some pre-college studying. Read any suggested reading material, and when you move into your quarters put up your goal for college somewhere prominent. It is very easy to succumb to the party-and-socialize aspect of college and let your studying slip. Socializing is important, clearly, and networking with future people in your field is one of the benefits of going to college - but you need to stay focused.

For something like deciding to move into theatre for your career, it might involve saving up a cushion to cover your bills for six months to a year before quitting, or getting experience with amateur dramatic groups or youth theatre before trying out for larger roles. It might involve moving to a location more suitable. Once you have a plan, informed by your research, you will feel much more confident setting out.

Knowing who you are

Part of making solid choices that are right for you is knowing who you are as a person, and where your strengths lie. If you know full well that you need access to your support structure, in terms of your family and long lasting friends, then choosing to move hundreds of miles away to attend college might not be a good choice. If, on the other hand, you value your independence and can’t wait to strike out on your own, choosing the college up the road for financial reasons might not be a good call.

Accept the risk

Sometimes we don’t know if we made the right choice until afterwards. We can do all the research, understand ourselves deeply, and still cock something up. In this case, you need to understand that it is not failure but a learning curve. Take what you can from it, and move on as quickly as possible. This may mean ending a marriage, dropping out of college (or changing your course), making new friends, quitting a new job, or changing careers again. These are disruptive, sure, but overall they make you a stronger person.

Worse is to try and stick out something that is negatively affecting you. Trying to complete a course of study that you hate and feels irrelevant to you is pointless. You’re not going to go into a career that utilizes those skills, so switch early rather than wait until you’re close to failing. Trying to hold together a marriage that has long since ceased to give you any support or love is a waste of your time and energy.

This doesn’t mean that the first bad night you have you quit and go back to your old life - but if something is making you systematically miserable then it’s probably not good for you.